Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Today is the three year anniversary of the day my Grandmother died, every year I dread this day, every year I think it will be easier and the pain will be a little less but it isn't, in fact I think it gets a little harder. As each year passes there are more and more big things that happen in my life that I want her to know all about and the little things start to pile up too. Today I sent my husband a text that went a little something like this...."I miss Wel,it hurts right down to my bones. I miss her more than even I realize sometimes. I want her to meet and know Avery. I want her to see how smart, amazing, beautiful, and big Jolie has gotten. I want her to know the women I have become. I want her to know that I have the same work ethic she instilled in my Dad because he too instilled it in me. I want to be able to call her because I need a pair of pants hemmed or a dress fixed and know she will gladly do it. I want her fashion advice that she always got from soap operas. I just miss her and want her back.". I cried when I sent that earlier, I have tears in my eyes now but Rich's response made me laughter...he said "What about my socks?". You see she gave him socks for every occasion and any chanc she got and now he doesn't have the supply he once did. But that's just it...she was kind and thoughtful, and such a part of my life for 30 years that the last 3 without her have seemed long and hard. I know this is all a part of life but a part I know I am not fond of. I will never forget the greatest lesson I ever learned from her and my Grandfather, and that is love, not just any love but forever love. For 62 years while my grandparents were married he bought her roses for Valentine's Day and she loved it, they weren't wonderful and huge but he went out each and every year and brought her flowers. When she passed away the day before Valentine's day three years ago it was heart breaking to sit with him at the funeral home on Valentine's Day and pick out roses for her casket for Valentine's Day. It was then that I learned what love was, it isn't the little fights, or the date nights, or even the hugs and the kisses, it is the until death do us part and then some. It is going through everything together, the good, the bad, children, grandchildren, great grandchildren and still wanting to bring home flowers to your love no matter what. It is the until death do us part...they lived it for 62 years and showed my entire family how to love and for that I will be forever grateful but not good memories, quite moments alone, time, prayer, or wishing have made this day any easier. I sure hope she knows how much I live her and how much I miss her!